How will your field of study contribute to your immediate or long-term career plans?
Mexico, they say, is a global leader in engineering. While this may be true, the influx of personnel into the job market continues to push wages down owing to labor supply glut. It is not enough to be a global leader in a discipline if the labor force goes to waste for lack of opportunities. While blame has been hipped on the government for failing to provide opportunities, the problem, I think, is that most engineering graduates seek to be employed instead of creating employment.
I was always fascinated by engineering marvels growing up. “ I want to be an engineer when I grow up.” I would tell my aunt who was an electrical engineer and my all-time role model. She gave me a taste of the engineering experience when she got me a job as bookkeeping assistant at a local manufacturing plant. Although I was good at math and other technical subjects, I can trace the decision to become an engineer to jaw-dropping moments in the manufacturing company when I witnessed the design and manufacturing teams work together to turn ideas into functioning machines.
Therefore, I did not think twice when I got accepted to The University of Texas at El Paso (UTEP) to pursue BSc. Electrical Engineering. I acknowledge that engineering demands a great deal of dedication and hard work and I believe my current GPA of 4.0 exemplifies both. However, it is one thing to have a well-laid out career goals and another altogether for everything else to line up for you. I am a hard-working student, but I need this scholarship to allow me to concentrate fully on my studies.
When I am not busy studying, I am attending workshops and meetings hosted by Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers (IEEE) at UTEP. Although I am just a member, being part of IEEE has been an eye-opener. I have learned both theory and practical skills needed to provide practical solutions to everyday engineering problems in my community. The experiences I have gained from IEEE complement my classwork experiences, as IEEE simulates how stuff works in the real world. Working in groups to build circuits and robots has exposed me to team dynamics and given me a glimpse of how teamwork is important in design and assembly work. As an Undergraduate Lab Assistant at UTEP, I have learned the value of having both hardware and software skills in the engineering field.
I plan to enroll for a Master’s degree after which I will go into private practice. I do not plan on seeking employment, but creating employment. The key to creating employment will be to focus on research and design of electrical circuits. Engineering, unlike most disciplines, rewards innovativeness and creativity, as it offers a myriad of opportunities, and I want to harness these limitless opportunities to change the prevailing unemployment narrative in my country. If awarded this scholarship, I will dedicate all my time to improving not only myself but also the engineering student community by sharing ideas with fellow students and faculty.
Feedback on this essay.
- All in all, the applicant answers the question and works their way through it. However, their answer doesn’t come up until near the end. You almost have to read the essay twice to see how the introduction connects with the applicant’s career of choice. Although the introduction is good, I’d suggest moving parts of it to a different section, where it flows better.
- I’d also suggest starting the essay with paragraph two, “Although I was good at math and other technical subjects, I can trace the decision to become an engineer to jaw-dropping moments in the manufacturing company when I witnessed the design and manufacturing teams work together to turn ideas into functioning machines.”
- There are some typos and grammatical issues we can fix with proofreading. For example, “However, it is one thing to have a well-laid out career goals…” should be “However, it is one thing to have a well-laid out career goal,” with no “s” after goal since she’s talking about “a well-laid out career goal,” not multiple goals.
- Suggestion to show how she’s a hard worker, not just tell us, “I am a hard-working student, but I need this scholarship to allow me to concentrate fully on my studies.” She briefly touches how she’s busy with activities, “When I am not busy studying, I am attending workshops and meetings hosted by Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers (IEEE) at UTEP,” but glosses over it instead of giving a concrete example or two.
- Lastly, we can re-work the closing. I’d suggest moving the last sentence of the closing to a new paragraph, so it’s the new ending. However, instead of, “If awarded this scholarship, I will dedicate all my time to improving not only myself…” let’s remove the absolute, “all” from this sentence — as there’s no way the applicant can devote 100% of her time to the cause.
What’s the verdict? Scholarship or not?
The essay had several errors that were difficult to overlook. This makes me think that the student didn’t spend enough time proofreading her essay. Still, she could have asked friends, family or a teacher to assist her with proofreading. The essay has a lot of potential, but because of the errors, this essay doesn’t make the cut.
Your scholarship essay is not the place to skimp on quality. Proofreading is extremely important.