Why should you be a recipient of this scholarship?
Back in 2003 when I moved from Angola to the US for my college education, I had many aspirations; after all, I had landed in the land of opportunities. I would come to learn the hard way that life abroad was not going to be a walk in the park. For one, it took me a while to land a part-time job. Second, my graduation in 2008 came at a time when the global economy was plunging into a recession. And, like other graduates in the US, I stepped into a labor market hit by a recession, which made it even harder to secure a job. Meanwhile, my student loan soared owing to accruing interest rates. Even with a degree in finance, it would take me two years to secure a job. Two years! After a great deal of soul-searching, I decided that a U-turn in my career path was the only plausible move. It was then that I decided to pursue a career in another discipline seeing as finance was not working for me. For this reason, I have decided to pursue an MBA in an IT-related discipline, and I am counting on this scholarship to realize my new dream.
My friends asked me why it took me a long time to enroll for an MBA in Information Systems Management. Although I have been telling them that I wanted to be sure about the next career path I will be taking, the truth is: I have been facing financial challenges that would not allow me to embark on a new journey in my career immediately. I acknowledge that shifting focus from finance to IT demands a great deal of hard work and dedication on my side, but I believe I have what it takes to succeed. Nothing in my life ever ‘just happens.’ I have worked hard and diligently to get where I am today, and enrolling for an MBA in an unfamiliar academic discipline fits my personality as a risk taker.
I have been considering options to finance my MBA, and while that of taking up another student loan is open, it would be unwise of me to borrow more money given I am yet to fully repay another student loan. I have a deep conviction that this scholarship will push me to new heights in my career ladder with a good salary to offset my student loan. Being awarded this scholarship means that I do not have to put my education on hold. Angola like most third world countries is information-poor but is set to witness greater technology transfer as she opens up for globalization. I would like to return to my country upon completing my MBA in Information Management system and employ the IT skills to improve my community. With social entrepreneurship shaping up in Angola, I want to be part of the most sought-after change agents.
Feedback on this essay.
- Nice intro, but a bit lengthy. I’d suggest moving the latter part of the introduction to a new paragraph.
- The applicant does a good job setting the stage for his career path, why he changed majors, and how the scholarship will help.
- He talks about his strong work ethic, but I’d like to see some examples demonstrating that fact.
- I like that he shows responsibility in not taking on additional student loans he can’t afford. However, I’d suggest not placing a lot of emphasis on this. Instead, he should focus on what he’s willing to do if he doesn’t win this or other scholarships? Will he give up on his dreams or find other ways to make them a reality?
- Love his passion when he talks about Angola and his plans to improve his community. That’s a plus!
What’s the verdict? Scholarship or not?
Possibly, but I’m slightly hesitant, and here’s why. He seems willing to put his education on hold until he gets a scholarship. I’d love to see what he’s willing to do without one.
Provide examples to solidify any claims (e.g., hardworker) whenever possible. Don’t leave us guessing. Show willingness to fund your education in other ways (e.g., extra job), even if you don’t win a scholarship.